Bible Stories for Heathen Children
I'm Robbie, and I tell family-friendly, fun, and somewhat irreverent retellings of Bible stories for kids who aren't already familiar with them. I couldn't find the stories told as myth without attempts at indoctrination, so I'm trying to do that. The audience I always have in mind for my stories are my two brilliant and sarcastic children, ages 8 and 9. Text versions will be posted for free at https://www.patreon.com/BSFHC .Subscribe to my Patreon for bonus content and early access to episodes! (My Patreon is currently on hold.) Make a one-time donation at ko-fi.com/robbiebsfhc.
Episodes
55 episodes
50 - Peter and Cornelius
This week, we continue the story of the early church in the book of Acts, focusing on Peter. Peter has a weird hunger dream and then gets a request for help from an unexpected source: a Roman centurion! He knows God is trying to tell him someth...
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16:06
49 - The Necromancer
In this special episode, Robbie tells the chilling story of an undead demigod with an insatiable thirst for souls & the power to raise an army of the dead. Free text version is available at pat...
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6:54
48 - Nehemiah and the Evil Rich People
In this story, Nehemiah rallies the people to rebuild Jerusalem. Almost everyone helps build it except the rich people, who are too busy taking advantage of people's struggles to become even wealthier at their neighbors' expense. Nehemiah has a...
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20:47
47 - Esther
Today Robbie tells one of the most beloved Bible stories of all time: the story of Esther, the young queen who saved her people from destruction. Content note: In the original story there's an undercurrent of sexual violence and rac...
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26:43
46 - Paul the Apostle
This episode picks back up in the book of Acts, where Peter and the early church are excited to face a lot of persecution, mostly directed by a young man named Saul. Saul, also known as Paul, is very, very certain that he knows the true way to ...
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16:38
45 - Samson
This episode is all about Samson, God’s one-man wrecking crew against the Philistines. Samson was not the wisest, but he definitely was the strongest -- at least, while his hair was long. It’s a story full of fighting, riddles, deception, and e...
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37:00
44 - Imposters Among Us: Shibboleths
This episode is about shibboleths! You may not know that word, but if you've heard of or played the video game "Among Us," you may already know the concept. We're telling the story of Jephthah the judge, a strong fighter who was terrible at dip...
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16:26
43 - The Christmas Story LIVE!
In this episode, Robbie revisits the Christmas story (Gospel of Luke version) live with a studio audience! (OK, the studio audience consists of their spouse and kids...gotta maintain social distancing!)Free text version is available for...
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31:10
42 - Elisha Makes Naaman Take a Bath
In this episode, commander Naaman from Aram goes to his enemy country in search of a miracle cure for his sickness, and the great prophet Elisha magically captures an entire army. King Joram provides comedic relief. Free text version is...
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15:53
41 - The Tower of Babel - Where Languages Come From
This week we tell the story of a group of people who got along so well and worked together so well that God decided they had to be stopped. Before that, we revisit the stories of God creating the world, Adam and Eve, and Noah’s Ark, so we can b...
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17:22
40 - Daniel, Part Three: The Writing on the Wall and the Lions' Den
In this episode, Daniel interprets an ominous message for Nebuchadnezzar's heir. Later he must survive threats caused by the jealousy of the other wise men, as well as the hubris of a new king. Free text version is available at
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18:10
39 - Daniel, Part Two: Nebuchadnezzar's Announcement
A sequel to the last episode from the book of Daniel. In this episode Robbie is interrupted by an important stranger from another time, King Nebuchadnezzar, here to tell a story to the world about his thrilling adventure in which God does bad t...
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12:26
38 - Daniel, Part One
Join us for some stories from the book of Daniel, which tell the adventures of a boy named Daniel and his three friends living in exile in Babylon. Babylon is ruled by King Nebuchadnezzar, who thinks very highly of his own leadership skills and...
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17:31
37 - Joshua and the Battle of Jericho
This week we tell the story of the Israelites entering the Promised Land, 40 years after their exodus from Egypt. With Moses gone, his assistant, Joshua, steps up to lead the people. It’s a story about spying, subterfuge, and another one of God...
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22:26
36 - David and Goliath as a Dungeons & Dragons Campaign
The podcast's one-year anniversary is this month! To celebrate, we're releasing a special episode that was previously exclusive to our $5 Patrons. Robbie's younger child, K, liked the story of David and Goliath and wondered: What might it be li...
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13:56
35 - The Story of Satan
This week we’re talking about Satan, the Devil, the enemy of God. But telling his story isn’t straightforward, because he doesn’t really have a story of his own -- he just shows up in various other stories in the Bible. In the first section of ...
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30:25
34 - The Story of Exodus, Part Three
The Israelites have finally made it out of Egypt and crossed the Red Sea! Now they journey to Mount Sinai, the “mountain of God,” where God had appeared to Moses in the burning bush. But God and the people have a lot of problems and challenges ...
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25:09
33 - The Story of Exodus, Part Two
The Exodus story continues! "Let my people go," God says to Pharaoh through Moses and Aaron. But Pharaoh refuses, again and again, to free the Hebrews. And so begin the ten plagues, as the God of Israel takes on the gods of Egypt, culminating i...
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28:33
32 - The Story of Exodus, Part One
This week we begin covering one of the most important stories in the Bible, the Exodus of the Hebrews from Egypt! It happens several hundred years after the story of Joseph, which we covered in episodes 19 and 20. This week we cover the early l...
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28:46
31 - Peter Does His Own Miracles
The podcast returns from hiatus! I'm glad to be back! Picking up from our last episode, we follow Peter and the other disciples, er, apostles, as they preach about Jesus, perform miracles, and clash with the religious leaders. I also talk a bit...
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23:53
30 - Early Christianity
The adventures of Peter continue as Robbie tells some last bits of the Gospels and the beginning of the book of Acts.Free text version is available at patreon.com/bsfhc.
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15:28
29 - Girl Power in Judges: Deborah and Jael
The story of Deborah - the judge of Israel - and Jael, who defeated the bad guy. This was probably THE quintessential Girl Power Bible Story of my childhood.Come for the girl power, stay for the explanation of ancient chariots in warfare...
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14:18
28 - Jonah and the Giant Fish (or Possibly Whale)
The famous tale in which a reluctant prophet is swallowed by a giant fish (or whale, depending on how didactic your Sunday School teacher was). Jonah flees God’s presence because he’s afraid he’ll be a successful prophet.<...
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15:14